wallpaper from peeandpoo baby brand
The doga non grata in question would be Camina. As usual! An no, I am NOT posting pictures of the carnage because it's too gross for words. Yeah, even for blogs o_0.
Just imagine a 10 month old baby - that's when they're crawling and still drinking lots of milk or, as in our case, formula, which, in case you didn't know, makes muuuuch stinkier poos than breast milk. They're also on solids by this age, have been for up to 6 months or so now, but you're still introducing new stuff like smelly cheese every so often to get them used to dairy and whatnot and yadda yadda yadda, the point is, 10-month-old baby poop STINKS. It reeks. It's vile and wet and spreads like jam but sticks like peanut butter. It sticks to skin and surfaces and is still somehow highly smearable. If I were still in the field I'd create a highly marketable surface adherent from it. Then I'd be rich and famous and solve the global energy crisis by burning my baby's poo, cause with the amounts he produces you could fly at least twice to Rio in a day. And back.
Anyhoo, I digress. But you now have pictures of poo in your heads, yes? Good. Now picture a mangy, malnourished street mutt next to a big black bin bag full of... you guessed it... POO. That miserable mongrel would, of course, be one of mine. She's not so mangy or miserable anymore, 8 years down the line, but she has never acquired a sense of decorum (or sense for that matter, but that's another story for another day). Meanwhile, she can cock her head to one side and look at you with her loopy ears at half-mast and her furry eyebrows raised at just the right angle to resemble the scrawny little pauper of a puppy that used to rely on stuff like trash and leftovers and yeah, opp (other people's poo) for (gag) food.
Are we all back on the poop pics then? Good. So yeah, she's 8 now, and looks cute occasionally, but nothing, NOTHING can prepare you for an entire COURTYARD strewn with pooped-up pampers and a gazillion lumps of peed upon gel globules that are slippery when wet. Which they are. Cause they're swollen to saturation with PEE. Speaking of which, formula-fed baby wee? Also a whiff and a half. And then some.
So...there I was amidst the STENCH and the mess and the rotten GARBAGE interspersed with dog throw-up (because, naturally, 3.4kg of feces plus 400g of fuzzy fungi will, somewhat inevitably, lead to regurgitation of the aforeswallowed) and wilted bits of this and moldy lumps of that, and the cataclysm that is our cat surreptitiously rummaging for bits of diaper fluff to play with in the litter labyrinth now so thick, you could not see or feel the cement beneath your booted and plastic-bagged feet or triple-glove-covered hands... It. was. GROSS.
Of course, she's done stuff like this all her life, just never in such spectacular pooportions. We're talking at least 8 square meters (that's about 86 square feet to those of you on the other side of the pond) of pure, unadulterated, raw, gag-reflex-inducing SEWAGE, cause yeah, it had also rained on everything a bit, so it was like skidding on moss in your sneakers, except it wasn't moss, it was POOOOOOOOOP plus PEE GEL on this particular slip & slide.
I'd say Camina is moving up in the doggie world. Her fame must now precede her, what with her perfume a la poo-poo wafting from her hot dog breath towards aaaallll the other doggies from here to henceforth, even as we speak. I mean blog.
